Fire in the hole!

My boss likes to fire me on a daily basis. Me thinks he thinks its good for my soul or something.

Boss: [walking past me] You're fired.
Me: [not looking up] Thank you.
Boss: [stops, turns around] What?
Me: [looking up] What?
Boss: Did you just thank me?
Me: Yea, I've to think of a new reply each time you fire me!
Boss: Haha! Well that's the best I've heard.

I tell you, one day, he's gonna fire me for real, and I'm not gonna believe him. But that's a different story.


And here is yet a different story:
So I toasted my bread. It got NICELY toasted. The smoke detector went off. The sprinklers started shoooooting out water. I nearly died.

Fine, the sprinklers didn't go off, but I nearly died anyhow - I thought I was gonna flood my apartment. I tell you, these American smoke alarms are dingdong sensitive.

Oxymoron

I always thought that I'd had to get married before someone referred to me 'baby' and 'housewife' in the same sentence...

Example 1: Hunky Hot Husband
Babe, you make the best cookies in the world!

Example 2: Geeky Multimillionaire Husband
I'm inviting Bill Gates for dinner tonight. Baby, can you see to that please?

Example 3: Rich Old Man Husband
Baby, I'm dying. Please Fix me a cup of tea. *gasps and dies*

...but I guess I was wrong.

My 23, 26 and 29 year-old housemates have dubbed me "baby", and call me their housewife. Apparently it makes them homesick to see me stand over the stove/ kitchen sink/ vacuum cleaner. Apparently 18 year old girls aren't supposed to feed themselves (and whoever else happens to be hungry) and keep a reasonably sanitized living area. Apparently this baby ain't a baby after all.

Apparently, I'm an oxymoron.

MCQ

At which moment of your life did you feel the smartest?

A. When you got 15A's in pre-school.
B. When you finished reading the entire collection of "Peter and
....Jane".
C. When you solved the rubix cube with your eyes closed and hands
....handcuffed.
D. When you remembered your pin number to the atm machine.

I choose D.

Leftovers.

So there was half a cup of santan left over from the curry chicken 4 weeks back, sitting in my one and only baby sized container, which was sitting in my refrigerator, which was occupying a 2"x 2"x 1" volume of space. Annoying.

So this college student googled "coconut milk" and found a bunch of recipes. After eliminating about a hundred recipes I didn't have the ingredients for, I found one for kaya. Microwaved kaya. Ugh.

But that half cup of santan was really, Really, REALLY annoying. So this college student made microwaved kaya. And let me tell you, it didn't turn out half bad. =)


Then she remembered that she had to put the kaya back in her one and only baby sized container, which will have to sit in her refrigerator, and occupy a 2"x 2"x 1" volume of space. Annoying.

Ahh Friday.

Friday is my day to be antisocial, lock myself in the room, and recover from a week of seeing too many people. After I graduate, I'm gonna go hide in the woods and be a hermit.

Hermit-ess? She-rmit? I think I'll stick with HERmit. Let the guys fight that one out.

48 bpm

Last year in Human Anatomy Lab, I found out that I don't sweat.

This year, I found out that I'm dead. Or almost dead. Whichever. I have a heart rate of 48 beats per minute. The normal adult has a heart rate of at least 60 bpm. Which means my heart beats at least 12 times less per minute than a normal adult. That is 720 times less per hour, 17280 times a day, 120960 times a week, 518400 times a month and 6307200 times a year less than a normal adult - to say the least. Therefore, I'm dead.

I rest my case.


There are two explanations for this:
1. I'm an athlete with a super strong heart.
2. I live on the other side of the edge - too calm and cool to have a normal heart rate.

Well, there is a third explanation. But I don't think I've an incurable heart disease.

I'm inclined to option #2. What do you think, hey?

Of fried beehoon and jalepenos 2...

I got the fried beehoon down. Yeehaw.

Now,

All.

I.

Need.

Is.

Sambal.

Of fried beehoon and jalapenos...

I fried beehoon today. Everyone liked it but me. Shows what a food snob I am.

Or maybe it shows how nice my housemates are.

Anyhow, I'll be frying beehoon till I get this down!


I ate jalapenos with my fried beehoon. It was tasteless. No kick. I want sambal belacan. Shows what a food snob I am.

Or maybe it shows how Malaysian I am.

Anyhow, I'm gonna look for something to satisfy my craving for fire!

The story of 3 girls and a roach

This is the story of 3 girls and a roach.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, lived 3 princesses trapped in an office. And then, one of them saw a handsome prince riding on a rippling white steed cockroach...

SCENE 1

Mulan: Eeeek! Don't look.
Ariel: What?
Mulan: Don't look. *jumps on chair*
Ariel: What!
Mulan: Roach.
Ariel: Eeeeek! Where?!?! *curls up legs* I hate cockroaches!

[Enter Princess Belle]
Belle: Why's everyone sitting like that?
Ariel: There's a roach in the room.
Belle: Eeeeek!! *jumps on chair* Where!?!?!
Ariel: Behind the I-Mac!
Mulan: I hate roaches. (sorry krystal!!)
Belle: What should we do?
Ariel: Call a prince boy!
Belle: Good idea.

[Exit Princess Belle]

SCENE 2

[Enter Princess Belle into Obviously Not a Prince's Office]
Belle: There's a cockroach outside.
Obviously Not a Prince: But I'm wearing my good shoes!

[Princess Belle enters Snow White's office]
Belle: Snow White, there's a cockroach outside!
Snow White: I'm coming!

SCENE 3

...cut the long story short, snow white tries to find the roach, fails to do so, returns to her office...

SCENE 4

Ariel: Eeeeeek!!!! There it is!
Mulan: Where?!?!
Ariel: It's coming at me!
Belle: I'll get Snow White!
Ariel: Eeeeeeek!!!! Go away! *Pushes chair backwards*
Mulan: *grabs newspaper, runs to roach, closes eyes, EEEEEK!, throws newspaper, & runs away*
Everybody: EEEEEEEK!!!

[Enter Snow White]
*picks up newspaper to reveal a very squished bug, squishes it again with glass slipper & walks away*

THE END

This is the reason why Disney doesn't hire me to write their scripts.

ngom ngom ngom

When you first start cooking for yourself, there will be times you get *ngom ngom ngom*, and there will be times you get *bleaak*...

I won't lie, there was one *bleaak* this week. But so far, it's ever so much better than the caf's daily bleaak menu. And the caf's daily bleaak menu is really bleaak. Trust me on that.

But I cooked (not from scratch in the plastic bag) curry today. And it was *ngom ngom ngom* tasty. *ngom ngom ngom*

BURP.

I think I ate myself silly.


Anyways, life is settling down. Second week of classes are over. I've lost that "OH MY COW, I'M GONNA FAIL SO BAD" feeling. Work is winding down aka professors have stopped breaking classrooms. I actually got to sit down for an hour at work today. And I'm getting the hang of this scavenge for food thing.

*ngom ngom ngom*