No I don't hate the woman. But today, I was able to commit a crime because I was me and not her. Today, I broke into a church.
Okay, so technically I broke into a church compound. And since I live in church, "breaking in" can't really be termed "breaking in". But lets keep a little drama going on here shall we?
So it's past midnight when my friend drops me off. I hop out of the car and try the gate. It's locked. Dead locked. Chained and padlocked by the guards. After several failed attempts to locate them, I decided to squeeze through the grill.
Please do not try this at home.
The first part of my anatomy to go through was my left leg all the way to my thigh. Then I got stuck. Seriously. Any sensible person would have pulled her thigh out of that embarrassing situation, but obviously I'm not sensible. No, I would squeeze my butt through (after a series of contortions and heaving at the metal rods), followed by the rest of my torso, my left shoulder and then my head. Oh, have I ever mentioned that...
...my head.
Is.
HUGE?
It must have swelled to twice its normal size with the sheer craziness of the mission, but all of a sudden, my head was pinned between two rusty pieces of metal. Not a pretty predicament to be caught in. Literally.
So I removed my glasses, flattened my ears and tried again. This time the head got through, followed by my limbs on the right side of my body. After waving off my friend, I walk up the hill to my apartment and scared the living daylights out of the guard.
Half asleep guard: EH? Macam mana you masuk?
How in the world did you get in?
Me: Uh, I pun tak tahu.
I also dunno.
Half asleep guard: Tak tahu?
You dunno?
Me: Um...ada lubang...
There's a hole...
Now I have nothing against the woman, but if I were Pam Anderson, I'd still be standing on the other side of that gate. Or stuck somewhere in between. Now that's something to be thankful for.
The first part of my anatomy to go through was my left leg all the way to my thigh. Then I got stuck. Seriously. Any sensible person would have pulled her thigh out of that embarrassing situation, but obviously I'm not sensible. No, I would squeeze my butt through (after a series of contortions and heaving at the metal rods), followed by the rest of my torso, my left shoulder and then my head. Oh, have I ever mentioned that...
...my head.
Is.
HUGE?
It must have swelled to twice its normal size with the sheer craziness of the mission, but all of a sudden, my head was pinned between two rusty pieces of metal. Not a pretty predicament to be caught in. Literally.
So I removed my glasses, flattened my ears and tried again. This time the head got through, followed by my limbs on the right side of my body. After waving off my friend, I walk up the hill to my apartment and scared the living daylights out of the guard.
Half asleep guard: EH? Macam mana you masuk?
How in the world did you get in?
Me: Uh, I pun tak tahu.
I also dunno.
Half asleep guard: Tak tahu?
You dunno?
Me: Um...ada lubang...
There's a hole...
Now I have nothing against the woman, but if I were Pam Anderson, I'd still be standing on the other side of that gate. Or stuck somewhere in between. Now that's something to be thankful for.
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