Accidents do happen.

In the perfect world, where I am calm and composed, this is what would happen:

Me: So last night while I was filming...there was an accident.
Boss: What happened?
Me: There were some guys standing next to the video camera...and I guess one of them had one bean too many for dinner.

But in the real world...this is what really happened:

Me: Um, boss?
Boss: Yeah?
Me: Last night when I was filming...uhh...*stutters/turns red/laughs*...this guy...HEEHEEHEE...he uh...he uh...passed gas...HOOHOOHOO...it was reeeeeally loud...I think its on the tape...*high pitch voice*...I SWEAR IT WASN'T ME!!! *snort*

In the real world, I'm not the put together gentlelady I wish I was. I snort and turn tomato-red and almost pee in my pants on occasion. But real world or dream world, this was ROTF funny. Cause we downloaded the tape today. And holy cow, it was loud.

I am a softy who can now drive in the US.

Softies like me need to learn how to look at scary people in the eye while pretending that our insides aren't slowly disolving into gooey gloop.

Gooey gloop is green in colour and faintly resembles the poop a bird once deposited on my jeans while I was walking around in brickfields. But I digress.


So back to my gooey gloop innards. I was interviewing a potential child sexual abuse perpetrator and felt that it would be pertinent information to ask about his sexual life. None of the people I worked with seemed to be going in that dirrection, so I openned my big fat mouth. The man gave me a pretty mouthful, and all I could do was to look at him in the eye, pretend my insides weren't slowly disolving into gooey gloop and calmly rephrase the question.

I probably should have mentioned earlier that this is for a class and the actor was probably having a good time chewing me into little pieces.


I got chewed up again today, and this time it was real. This morning, I took my driving test and was paired up with a hardcore examiner - the kind that will bark out instructions so curtly you have no idea what they said, dole out impatience when you ask to clarify, and remind you with every move you make that you are at their mercy. Well, the examiner was merciful, and I passed - with a face of steel and insides of goo. But passing is all that matters right?

Corrections

I just realized the british spelling of "need the toilet NOW" has an 'O' in it. Like D I A R R H O E A. No wonder my brain is so messed up.

So I take my last post back. I guess I should say, "At the very least, I have learnt how to spell diarrhea. The american way."

If...

If at the end of the day, the nursing school gets the better of me...
If pharmacology really pharmakills me...
If my Foundations encyclopedia breaks my back...
If I start an IV in the wrong place and I get kicked out of clinicals...
If my needle gets stuck in my pateint and I get kicked out of clinicals...
If I stick a catheter up the wrong hole and I get kicked out of clinicals...
If a put an NG tube down the wrong pipe and I get kicked out of clinicals...
If creepy patients plain scare me off...
If I don't survive my crazy sleep schedules...
If I lose all my hand written medcards and go insane...

...at very least I have learnt how to spell diarrhea.

Want in on a secret?

Okay, so I'm gonna let you in on a secret...

...ready?

I played college ball.

Volleyball to be exact.

Okay, you can pick yourself off the ground now. I've been silent on that subject for one and a half months now...just in case I get kicked off the team or something silly like that. >.< Kidding!!!

Yes, I joined the junior varsity team back in August and found out that I was a dingbat. Hitting the volleyball around during PJK period is waaay different from playing the sport. But I joined the team and by golly I was gonna have fun at it.

Well, I survived, and I can now brag that I played a season of college ball. But then again...chances are that nobody would believe me.

Quotes from a Nursing Student (Part 1)

Every so often, I hear/think of something so intelligently hillarious I just gotta share it with the world.

Yes readers, YOU are my world.

*awkward silence*

Just kidding.


SOOOO...Quote #1:
Nursing Instructor: So when you insert at rectal suppository (torpedo that goes up your butt), make sure you insert it about 4 inches deep.
Nursing Student: Umm...what if my finger is only 2 inches long?

Quote #2:
Upon listening for a patient's pulse...
Nursing Student as Nurse: I don't hear anything!
Nursing Student as Patient: You are not supposed to say that out loud!

Quote #3:
Nursing Student: Okay! I'm gonna do this...MacGyver Style!

Quote #4
Upon ambulating a patient down the hallway.
Nursing Student as Nurse: Okay, pretend to fall.
Nursing Student as Patient: Now?
Nursing Student as Nurse: YES, NOW.
Nursing Student as Patient: *falls*
Nursing Student as Nurse: Wait, not so fast!

Quote #5/6
Nursing Student A as Nurse: My patient won't stop laughing!
Nursing Student B as Patient: *laughs even louder*

Nursing Student A as Patient: My nurse won't stop laughing!
Nursing Student B as Nurse: *laughs even louder and snorts*


This is just Part 1 of Quotes from a Nursing Student. Evidently we won't be so "siao" when we are actually practicing on real people. Even if we were, I wouldn't be able to blog about it. So enjoy the crazy things we nursing students say in lab while you can.

Peekaboo! I see you!

I've been telling people that this is how I will greet my patients:

"Peekaboo! I see you!"

And then I get to practice my CPR skills on my now unresponsive patient. Ooops.

But yes, this is how I would look like if I were a smurf.

See the resemblance?

But yay to surviving my first 13 chapter test since my SPM days. Gotta scoot and get my nose in the books again though, another big butt test next week.